WARRI PALAVA: You Go Laff Tire - EPISODE 18. [BY HYPERGIG]

Wad up Distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen? Due to popular demand and the comments I get from you lovers of Warri Palava, your favorite comedy series will be published every night for your pleasure. May God help me. AMEN.

You missed previous episodes? No wahala....you can read them ---->>> HERE .

Welcome to the 17th episode:

I'm a dead man walking, I'm the sort whose pocket just idle around due to lack of dough, where on earth will I get the bulky sum to purchase the provisions lined out on the crumbled sheet of paper? Since I was in dire need of a way out, I decided to try one of my childhood stunts out. The devious stunt or sly act so to say had always worked for me in the past so I was quite confident it was gonna click out once more.

All I had to do was just wait till dark, when everywhere became dim and dark and I go carry out the operation. Darkness pervaded and gloomed everywhere, I got myself geared up for the task at hand and uttered out some 'Hail Mary" to guide me through and also to ease the tension that was raging in me.

My victim was seated under a tree, she only lit her atukpa (indigenous slang for local lamp), so the illumination from it wasn't really strong, the lamp just sent out faded beams of light rays, my mind don dey at rest sey i go see my operation carry out without undue hindrance. I said my prayers once more and this time around it was a lengthy prayer, then I headed to where my help line was seated. Some customers were standing right in front of her and they all stretched out their hands to collect the stuff they had paid for. I waited till the crowd doused off a bit before proceeding to effect my act. When I see sey most of the customers don commot and e remain only three for her front, I stretched out my arms and wallahi I get long arms, my arms be like those people own wey dey throw javelin.

I dipped my stretched arm into the first container but it wasn't the container I was looking for, I commot my hand and I chuk am inside the second container but again it wasn't the container I had in my mind. I knew it was gonna be a matter of minutes before I get the right container so my mind dey at rest sey yawa no fit gas. I stretched out my long arms again and dipped it into something but this time around no be inside container I chuk am cuz as i chuk am inside I felt a sharp pang and some sizzling sensation.

OH MY GOD!!! NA INSiDE HOT OIL WEY THE WOMAN DEY USE FRY AKARA AND YAM I CHUK MY HAND....My throat went awry and completely out of control, I yelled out at the top of my voice and when GOD go kan catch me again PHCN kan bring light join....na then I know sey I don die true true, my hand become oyinbo straight, all because I wan chuk hand inside the woman container for money.

Akpororo, wallahi na God go punish you oooooo!!!

I don die, in fact e just remain make dem bury me. If you remember clearly you would remember I told you that I was the chubby sort with extra flesh all over my body, my backside before I come Warri be like that of Mercy Johnson and instead of six packs na extra pomo I get for my belle (confirm pot belly) like Don Jazzy own. But now things don change for me, instead of my usual pot belly I now have six packs which in actual reality are just the outlines of my ribs, and my backside don level like madt.

I knew Akpororo was faking things but there was no way I could prove it, while I was thinking how I would get the money to procure the provisions for that God forsaken Warri kid, na em one woman waka pass for my front, she backed a baby and was really fat, as a sharp guy I just run snatch the woman nylon bag from her hand but to my surprise the woman no gree chase me, instead of raising an alarm she just wave me bye bye.....as I enter one uncompleted building na em I use rushing dismantle the items wey dey the nylon bag.

Come see wetin I see, used pampers and all other smelly stuffs, it was as if I had just helped her dispose off her waste.

...to be continued!

Stay glued for more and please drop your comments.

Written by: OLADEJO MAYOWA MOSHOOD {HYPERGIG}
Ff him on twitter - @lilemir

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