Sunday, July 20, 2014

Hello my honorable ladies and men. Hope you all had a great weekend? Well, I'm HAPPY I have you guys....na because of you I dey do yanga ooo. Una too much. I dey always gbadun una. God go continue to dey make una BIGGER.

So yesterday, The 'CHNG Idea' was ONE and I published a story of how I started [If you missed it, read it ---->> HERE.] I also asked a question and promised to give the person who answers it correctly a reward of airtime. Well unfortunately, no one got the answer right. Here are the answers:
1. MY LIFE AS A CHAIN-SMOKER & HOW I QUIT SMOKING [PART 1]

2. BORN WITHOUT AN IDENTITY [THE TRUE LIFE STORY OF AN ORPHAN] by Husband Material.

So, I've decided to give Ese Victory half of the 'Supposed Airtime' because she was the FIRST to comment BORN WITHOUT AN IDENTITY as one of the 2 Series I never completed on my blog. CONGRATULATIONS to Ese.

STAY TUNED....More freebies COMING UP!!!

Anywayz, did you miss previous episodes of Warri Palava? Read them ----->>> HERE.

Welcome to the 17th episode:

With bumps all over my body you would think I got ran over by a Mack truck, the beating I got from that bystander was just too much, never in my life would I attempt to rob a random stranger instead I would just rob someone I know.

While at school the next day my co staffs kept asking me why I had bumps, I told them I got robbed, I twisted the story to best suite my pathetic sight and in return they all felt sorry for me.

Akpororo the dumb kid was back in class cuz the decision to get him expelled was rescinded. We became instant enemies, but as a matured man I dey try prove seniority for am cuz I no fit dey beef am make hin dey beef me too. While my class pupils referred to me as Uncle, na "bros" Akpororo dey call me, e no dey gree call me Uncle at all. He no dey respect me at all.

If I ask am question he would call on another pupil to answer the question on his behalf. Imagine! Na then I know sey I don lose my respect for Akpororo side. The bumps on my face were still evident and that was when Akpororo came over to my desk and inquired if he could get a tom tom sweet from me. He say make I give am tom tom lick. See me see trouble ooooo, na me Akpororo dey insult, he was referring to the huge bump right around my cheek as tom tom sweet. Out of anger I just daze am slap sharp sharp before I knew what was going on he laid on the floor like a lump of wood, out of anger I kicked him cuz I thought he was faking things but the boy no gree move at all. Na then I know sey I don enter wee.

I became disoriented and sweat trickled down my face, wetin I go do ooo? I poured sachets of water on him to resuscitate him but it was all to no avail. I called on the headmaster and he dashed in right away, I explained to him what had happened, he told me to carry the lifeless lump to the nearest clinic before he summons the police to come and arrest me.

With my heart beat bolting and husseining at a really fast pace, I knew it was the end time for me, with the heavy slump positioned on my back I started a rather tedious search for a hospital, I came across a privately stirred health clinic and I dashed in real fast. I went to the emergency section and narrated what had happened to them, they hurriedly passed a drip into his skin and gave me a list of provisions to buy.

Inside the list:
BOURNBITA, MILO, KON FLAKES, GOLDEN MOURN, KEISHA, SANDIN, OBAMA (abi shey na Bama dem call am?), ASSAULTED BISCUITS and LOOKOZADE.

Where I wan take see money buy all these items? Na then I know sey I don die, an idea popped and I thought to myself Akpororo will surely have to settle for less cuz me I no fit afford all these top notch oyinbo ijekuje wey dem write for this paper ooo! Na so I go market, I got him gaari ijebu to replace the golden mourn and cornflakes, dry fish to replace the sardine and geisha and a bottle of 50cl alomo to replace the lucozade boost, after all na the same energy wey alomo go give am na em lucozade boost go give am also. Na then my mind kan settle sey at least I don try my best.

I tucked all the items inside a shaka shaka sac, na gaari sack I mean ooo for those of una wey no sabi am, and I headed straight to the clinic. On getting to the front desk I told the female nurse there that I wanted to deliver some provision to a patient who was recuperating at the emergency niche, she asked if she could examine the items in the sac and I promptly gave her the go ahead to do so, she removed the items out one by one and I could see the grin on her face as she did so. Come see as she use me laff, she told me I was instructed to get the ailing kid some provisions as listed out on the sheet I was given and not FOODSTUFFS.

I tried explaining to her sey all na same same, sey na the same work dem go do for the kid body, but all my plea fell on deaf ears. I was told to go and buy the provisions as listed out. This is a bigger GOBE!!! I tried returning the gaari and all the other rubbish wey I buy but the woman wey I buy them from no gree collect them back and I only had five hundred Naira left with me and there was certainly no miracle wey my five hundred naira fit perform cuz e too small to buy all the oyinbo stuff wey dey that list.

Wetin I go do now?

...to be continued!

Stay glued for more and please drop your comments.

Written by: OLADEJO MAYOWA MOSHOOD {HYPERGIG}
Ff him on twitter - @lilemir

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