WARRI PALAVA: You Go Laff Tire - EPISODE 20. [BY HYPERGIG]

I'm really not feeling well. But because I've promised to post the 20th episode tonite, I must fulfill my promise. Find previous episodes ---->>> HERE.

Welcome to the 20th episode:

My poor parents try for me no be small. Oh I forget make I tell una sey I be thirty two (32) when I leave my Papa house, the stigma at home was just too much, na my parents dey feed me and clothe me, I was more like a family pet abi shey na family bingo I go call am before I commot and now am 43 and still struggling but outside d confines of my parents.

The result for the interview was a complete wreck, I'm quite sure they gave my mark to someone else cuz how I go get 0/3, zero over three, as in capital ZERO, but wetin man go do? I just had to accept the fact that we live in a world filled up to the brim with OJORO, I gave the best possible answers and yet I was denied the job.

All these years with the numerous torrent and torment I've been through, I thought to myself the only way I can make it fast in life is to engage myself in shady deals via the internet and by that I'm quite sure you know what I mean.

A friend told me about a particular website, he said it was infested and laced with money, he even stressed further that the name of the said website is quite similar to our nation's currency (na then I know sey I dey road to hammer big time) a website flowing with naira notes, I thought to myself this would be a good place to start my internet scam spree and that's how I landed on Nairaland. Why on earth will u name a social and interactive website after the name of a currency? Seun Osenwa (founder of Nairaland) you fall my hand ooo, I thought the website would be flowing with (e) currencies and thus tap from it but instead there was nothing of such.

Life in warri has been really cruel to me, why I dey even tell una sey life dey cruel to me, e dey obvious to una now. It's been a week since I took a meal and the urge to eat was burrowing deep into me, I exercised some patience till dark, and when I was quite sure that everywhere was dim and dark I headed to a kiosk nearby, the trick I had in mind was to stuff my pocket with as many handful of garri as I could, since I knew the exact spot where the woman always placed the container which contained her gaari I was quite certain it was going to be an easy task on my path. While she was busy attending to another customer I dipped my hand into the container and scooped as many handfuls of garri as I could into my pocket, my pocket was now swollen and there was no space to put more, my pocket get garri belle and I was delighted to be the father...winks*

Since it was dark I wasn't sure if na garri ijebu or na yellow garri I carry but I was quite certain that It was gonna be garri ijebu the sort that needed no sugar. Because the texture was smooth and nice. I quickly emptied my pocket into d bowl wey I wan use wak am in the cover of the dark abi na night we go call am, but as I chuk ma finger into d bowl say make I start to dey wak the gaari cuz na soak and travel I use am do, I felt a sharp sting thrust through my fingers and I thought to myself this garri go conk no be small. The garri swell no be small and I enjoyed it, in fact it was like dining on something special, na my hand I use do spoon. You should have seen me as I take lick my fingers.

As I sey make I sleep like this after I don wak finish na hin mosquitoes start to dey buzz for my ears but I just thought to myself sey the mosquito dem don enter wee this night, if you see my eyeballz na like that of Segun Arinze and Tinubu all rolled into one, and na HD display I dey see tinz, I fit zoom and even do auto focus with my poppy eyeballs, so all the mosquitoes wey dey gimme problem didn't really pose a threat b'cos it wasn't really hard killing them even though it was dark, my extra large eyeballs did a great job of spotting them and my hands did a great job of killing them though the way I dey clap when I dey kill them be like worshipper wey dey do praise and worship, after I don slay all of them finish and sent them to the afterlife I went to sleep with no buzz at all.

...to be continued!

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Written by: OLADEJO MAYOWA MOSHOOD {HYPERGIG}
Ff him on twitter - @lilemir

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