WARRI PALAVA: You Go Laff Tire - EPISODE 19. [BY HYPERGIG]

Yup yup, wad up my handsome bobos and most beautiful sisis? Hypergig is getting close to the end of this crazy and very funny story....but as for those people that are new comers, see the previous episodes ----->>> HERE.

Welcome to the 19th episode:

I sell my phone so I go see money buy apkororo provision for am, that's why I've been unable to update my story but I don run borrow my guy phone so I go fit write, in fact I rent the phone from the guy hand ni.

With akpororo out of the way (am sure you are wondering why I dey use small letter begin the pikin name na cuz e no worth make I use capital letter ni o, that boy no be proper noun at all, na object of pronoun e be.. silly boy. What he did to me made me vow not to have kids ever, that boy made me suffer no be small.

I sat still with my five fingers positioned on my cheek thinking of what next to do, cuz I needed money real bad and there was no way to get any. As I sidon dey look na hin one of my warri padi come my side, he asked what was wrong and I told him I was in dire need of money, he gave out a short bust of laugh and told me not to worry that money will come if am gonna take heed to his instructions, and I told him I would do anything and he said we should meet by mid night.

As midnight reach like this I go meet the guy, he was all set cuz he had an axe and multiple containers with him, I ask am wetin we wan use d axe and container do, he said we were going to bust a fuel pipeline, he said one of his informant don sight one pipe at the back of one hotel like that and that we were gonna burst it and take fuel from it.

I felt happy that at last money go come my way, I took the axe and slumped it over my shoulder while the guy carried the containers, we took a bike to where the pipeline was but we first did a background check on the neighborhood just to check if no one was around cuz there are some people assigned to look after pipelines.

When we were certain that the ghost was clear we proceeded to the site of the pipeline, I started to dig out the soil and the guy instructed me not to make too much noise so as not to wake the neighborhood up. Wallahi the pipeline deep no be small, I was yet to see any sign of a pipe, but as I dey dig the soil I just dey happy sey at last my life go better, I put more effort into the digging and all of a sudden I heard a sound, the axe had hit something, I was happy that at last I don reach the promise land, with this pipeline I would go into the oil business and even open up a filling station.

I told my guy that the axe had struck something, I reached out with my hand to feel what the axe had struck and it was a pipe, but it was yet to be broken, so I raised the axe high above my head and hit it again and this time around liquid started oozing out from the pipe, since it was dark It was hard to see so I had to dip my fingers into the pipe and feel the liquid oozing out from it, but lo and behold the liquid no be like crude oil for my hand it was somehow sticky and watery so I thought maybe na because sey dem never refine am at all, so I took a little of it and tasted it, na there I know sey I don die, na shit water I put for mouth wey I taste, so all this while na soak away pipe I dey dig...eeyah I don die.

Na so I taste poo/igbe ooo, bt the poo/igbe had this distinct taste and flavour, it was unlike anything I've ever tasted before. The thought of me tasting poo/igbe had quite a grip on me, it rendered my taste buds yanma'ish (from d word yanma yanma) and I just felt like cutting my tongue out, but seriously wetin man go do.

The next day I had to prep myself up for an interview, the coat wey I borrow sey I go wear go d interview be like extra large blanket and the shoulder pad that was meant to be at the shoulder had slipped to the ankle, the trouser to the dilapidated coat was even worse It was all bloated like a balloon. I was set for the interview, it was as if I had a parachute on with the coat I had on, I would have opted for a suite instead of the bizarre coat but where I wan take see the money, but who cares as long as I get the job.

As I dey waka for street go where I wan take do the interview na so people dey hail me sey dey like my coat, I even got some couple of shot from obsessed onlookers who had cameras and phones na so I turn to instant celeb ooo. The interview room was all tense and laced with fear, we were up to a hundred plus that came for the interview, we were all seated with a desk right in front of us, the atmosphere felt like that of a jamb centre.

Since I was the brainy sort I was mentally ready to devour any question they hurl at me, I wasn't smeared in tension and fear like the rest who were big olodo's instead I was cool, calm and collected. They gave out the question sheet and another empty sheet onto which we were gonna write the answers on.

The questions were so cheap, they were just three questions I had to answer, two of the questions were biblical and the third was kinda historical it had to do with a sinking ship. The questions were lined out in this format and the answers I provided to them can be seen beside them.
1. Who is regarded as the father of many nations ----------- (ans) tuface Idibia.
2. What made the titanic sink---------(ans) because lepacious bose was onboard.
3. Where did gorillas evolve from------(ans) olusegun obasanjo.

I was the first to submit while the other dullards were still busy eating the bud of their pens, olodos.

...to be continued!

Stay glued for more and please drop your comments. Check back tonight for Episode 20.

Written by: OLADEJO MAYOWA MOSHOOD {HYPERGIG}
Ff him on twitter - @lilemir

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