WARRI PALAVA: You Go Laff Tire - EPISODE 4 [BY: HYPERGIG]

I just discovered that everyone ain't happy with what our Super Chickens just played in the Inter-house sport (not World Cup)....So, I sey make I change your mood to GOOD before una sleep with the continuation of our comedy story.

You missed previous episodes? Oya, see the links ----->>> HERE!

Welcome to the 4th episode.

It was getting dim nd dark already and the atmosphere was moist up, with this I knew that rain was bound to fall, while I was scampering about to get a place to lay myself for the night. Ahead I sighted a bridge and my sub conscious just said to itself - HOME SWEET HOME.

I was hyped up with joy cuz this bridge is gonna house me for tonight and many more to come if I don't find that God forsaken spot I was bundled away from, I walked towards the bridge and while I zoomed in on my house to be for that night I could see warri heads and eyes staring at me from under the bridge.

I got to my desired spot under d cozy bridge and while I attempted to rest my butt on one of the wrecked up slabs lying around I received a slap and a heavy knock on my bald head, I nearly passed out but the bread and pure water wey I take that day firmed me up and I didn't pass out.
"Wetin u want here?", they asked me with their rifla and weed tucked in between their fingers, I lost my voice and couldn't utter a word, by the time I mustered up the courage to spill out some words, I received another one and this was fiercer and quite (bam) that I lost my balance immediately.

I quickly knelt down and begged them that I needed a place to sleep for the night, they asked for rent money and I was like: "Haba! Chairman sebi na government build am?" and I even received another slap for trying to play smart, I dipped my fingers into my pocket and brought out a 20 naira note, the sort that is transparent and almost dying and which no sane person would collect, since it was dark they didn't notice the attributes the 20naira note had.

They complained that the rent fee am giving them is too little and so I would be given a sleeping space with no leg space, since I had no option, I agreed and there i was all crouched and curled up in the little space they allocated to me. I kan coil up like sardine inside tin.

Flies and mosquitoes had a filled day wallahi, they buzzed and played mozart to my ears and sure sucked the hell out of me. Since I couldn't sleep with the flies and all that were biting me, I decided to wash my clothes since there was a fair amount of rain falling, I took off my shirt and trousers and I was left with my boxers.

I dipped the shirt and trouser into a pool of water cupped up in a degenerated bucket and I scrubbed them hard since there was no soap, I squeezed them and lined them up on a slab to dry and then went back to sleep.

As I dey sleep wey mosquitoes dey bite me na instantly malaria they catch me, I was shivering and edgy and since I had no clothes on I used a garri sack as my cover cloth, I even rented the gaari sack itself.

It was six am when I woke up, everyone had disappeared from under the bridge, my shirt and trouser even disappeared with them. And my subconscious just uttered those cruel words to the
inner me again - I DON DIE.

I sat down and just drifted away in unpleasant thoughts of my travails, Warri is making life unbearable and quite miserable for me. What sort of city is this? This city is way too smart for me. My behind stayed glued to the slab I was sitting on and I sure looked like one of those classic antique statues, I just sat down there with my hands bracing my head and gulped up in my own miserable thoughts.

There I was moving about the whole of Warri with my saggy and dirty underpants and the thrilling and yet saddening part was that my joystick was just dangling about. I felt bad about myself but there was nothing I could do.

People just dey look me sey I be mad person but dem no sabi sey na condition make my crayfish bend,while I was walking about with the hope of getting some tattered cloth to wear and cover myself up, I came across the cruel and inconsiderate lad who stole my cloth, as I see am like this my head swell with anger and I just dashed forward with fury and anger towards him yelling and shouting.

With me yelling and all, then it became clear to people in the environ that I was a mad fellow, I tried explaining to them that I am the victim here, the one whose cloth was stolen but all my plea fell on deaf ears, they bundled me and tied me up saying I was a menace to the society, they even begged the guy who stole my cloth that he shouldn't be angry.

I was tied to a tree and by the time it was dark they were quite considerate of me and decided they would release me. There in I became a free man but Ih was still without cloth so I decided to get one for myself under the guise of the night. I scaled the short fence that was right in front of me and headed straight to the backyard where there was bound to be a line with clothes spread on them. Since it was dark and I was blinded by the night I just took a cloth from the line and ran as fast as I could out of there. When I was finally out I wore the clothe and to my utmost surprise and disappointment na woman cloth I steal.

I thought of going back but I could hear voices spilling out from the compound so I decided to make do with the cloth I had, sorry I meant to write the cloth I stole and not had cuz it wasn't really mine. Darkness zoomed off and cocks were doing their usual cookoorookooz serving as the early morning alarm they were.

The cocks woke me up and there I was, decked in a gown and I sure looked funny in it, but wetin man go do? I go sha wear cloth, so I moved out nurturing the hope to find that spot that ushered in my woes, the spot I was kidnapped from.

While walking about in the gown I had on, na so I see ONOME. She was an erstwhile classmate of mine back then in Lagos, but she was now based in Warri and I don psyche her way back then, wey she no gree. As I see her like this, I tried dodging her but she had the eyes of an eagle, keen and piercing so to say, she spotted me and called me by my alias, then I knew I was doomed.

My brain started conjuring up lies I could offer to her as to the reason I was wearing a gown meant for the feminime type, and suddenly the idea clicked in, as she strutted forward towards me I became calm and settled. I greeted her while she gazed at me as if I was an alien from outer space.

...to be continued!

Stay glued for more and please drop your comments.

Written by: OLADEJO MAYOWA MOSHOOD {HYPERGIG}
Ff him on twitter - @lilemir

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Oya, give this guy a name......Buhahahaha!!!