WARRI PALAVA: You Go Laff Tire - EPISODE 10 [BY: HYPERGIG]

How far my country people? How market? Una dey enjoy this story abi? Last episode was HOT, this episode is HOTTER!!! For those of you that missed the previous episodes, read them ------>>> HERE.

Welcome to the 10th episode:

I was dragged on the floor all the way to their kitchen and just right in front of me I could see a mountain of unwashed dishes, pans and pots all staring at me and waiting to be scrubbed. It was as if they were deliberately piling up the plates and pans just for me to come around and wash them all. But before washing the plates I was instructed to go fetch some water from a lengthy distance and a rather rough terrain at that, I was escorted to the well by the disrespectful maid, her actions were even fierce and rude, she showed me pepper, in fact I tasted pepper. After I had filled up the sky high gorodoms (water containers). I sat down right in front of the filthy dishes and started doling out some serious and intense scrubbing on them, the plates were just too much that I had to rest and take breaks at intervals, while washing the dishes I did (SHORT BREAK) and even (LONG BREAK).

But at last I overcame the dishes and came out top, and I was tossed out of the restaurant and warned not to ever step in again, I shook my bald head in approval and took to my heels.


Warri as a city is much more complex and witty than Lagos, cuz my experience there is certainly nothing to write home about, but me self kan talk say I no go gree, I had to do something worthwhile and the thought of what to do just popped up.

The idea raided me and all I needed was a stick, bowl and some silly dark shades to act it out. I got myself a stick and stole one of those kiddies shades wey dey get flower for the rims. I sat on a slab right outside a desolate building, stretched out my long stick and positioned my bowl right in front of me and with my shades glued onto my face I was set for business. I became a (BANBIALA) or (BEGGER) so to say and before I knew it someone had dropped a 5 naira note into my bowl. WOW!!! I never knew begging for alms was a really lucrative business, I always thought Warri peeps were the stingy sort but the 5 naira note I had in my bowl dismissed that thought about Warri people, so they are really generous after all. As people passed they dipped their hand into my bowl and in so doing dropped some naira note, they really thought I was impaired not knowing that I was actually playing a fast one on them, sebi dey talk sey warri people no dey carry last ni but in this case they go carry last oh, cuz I was going to outsmart the whole of Warri.

It was getting dim and all, so I had to call it quit for the day, with my bowl carefully cupped under my armpit and my stick stretched out as if it was my third leg, I tricked everyone and walked like a blind lad.

When I was out of public glare, I settled down in a nearby building with rays of light falling on me, I pulled the bowl out of my armpit and with the aid of the light rays I set out to count my daily earnings, the first note I took out from the bowl was a thorn one and I thought of it as a normal thing, the second and third were thorn notes also, the fourth was a fake note, the fifth was a pretty transparent 10 naira note with the value all washed off, and the others were severed note that even a cello tape and super dupa glue won't have any effect on.

Then it occurred to me, Warri people don outsmart me again...now who is the punk? And I said to myself I am the punk for I have been fooled again and then I said to myself I am finished.

...to be continued!

Stay glued for more and please drop your comments.

Written by: OLADEJO MAYOWA MOSHOOD {HYPERGIG}
Ff him on twitter - @lilemir

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